leaving home

I will admit upfront that I am in a rather mushy mood.  You see, this time next week we will be moving our first-born child into college.  It is an exciting time and a scary time.  She is on the cusp of her future and she is ready to take this step.  She is leaving home and will be moving further and further away from childhood.  In some ways, this is good and right and we are all ready.  But I am her mom.  How can I truly be ready for this?

I keep thinking about when I was pregnant with her.  I was so scared that I would mess her up!  I had never been a mom before.  I had no idea what to expect, and there was so much conflicting information coming at me from all directions.  I was afraid that taking the wrong advice would adversely affect my child!  It took me a long time to relax and realize that though I wasn’t perfect, I was an okay mom.  We plodded through together.  I feel confident now.  I know how to approach things with this child and work through anything that comes up.

In some ways I am feeling like a new mom again.  I don’t know how to parent an adult.  I’m not quite sure what my new role should be in her life.  I know she is in college and still a kid in many ways.  I also know she is legally grown and her own person.  How do I make this transition with her?  I don’t want to handle it wrong and mess up her future.  This is uncharted territory for me, and again there is so much conflicting information coming my way. 

I guess the answer is that we will plod through this together.  We will build our adult relationship one step at a time.  I also guess I will be spending a lot more time in prayer for this child.  Time learning to trust God with her future and safety and maturity.  Learning to let her go.

Let her go.  That seems strange to even say!  Wasn’t she just learning to talk and walk yesterday?  Wasn’t my husband teaching her how to ride her bike yesterday?  Wasn’t she and I exchanging tooth fairy letters yesterday?

I guess that is how life goes.  Quickly.  But she does walk and talk, and even write rather well now.  She can ride a bike and keep her balance.  We exchange texts and talks about all kinds of things.  She is ready!  And she is able.  I am so proud of this kid!  So proud! 

I can let her go because I know she is ready.  I know that she will always need me, even if it’s not in the same ways.  I know that she will love college and will grow because of this experience.  I know that we will find our way.

But I am still going to cry my way through the next week at least!