Registered for my Final Two Classes Today……

I remember sitting down at my computer blogging about my decision to go back to school.  I had been out of school for around 20 year., and a lot has happened in my life since I had last been a student.  In December 2015 I graduated summa cum laude with my B. S. in Psychology.  I began grad school right away, and I also blogged about my decision to pursue Gerontology.

Today I am sitting here blogging about registering for my final two graduate classes.  By December of this year, I will hold a master’s degree in Gerontological Services from Saint Joseph’s University in Philadelphia.

This journey has taken me through five years, two moves, both of my children graduating high school, health concerns and surgeries, the death of a grandparent, and multiple other life changes.  It was very difficult at times, and I even spent some time in tears and ready to give up.  I kept going, though, and here I am!

I am working to find a job and begin to build upon my education and truly make a difference to the people who I work with.  I am looking at research ideas, and beginning the process of developing them.  I am still a wife and a mom, and these roles are the ones I still identify with most closely because these roles mean the world to me.  I am also someone who is passionate about my chosen field and the individuals that I work with.  In some ways. I am the same person I have always been.  In others, I have changed and grown.

My husband and my kids have given me their love and support, their proofreading skills and their shoulder, their understanding and their cheering section to get me through.  I could not have gotten here without them!

So here I am getting ready to tackle my final semester of school.  I am excited to see where I land as I apply for and interview for positions in my field.  I am excited to see what the next chapter of my life holds as I am stepping out as a confident, educated and capable woman.

leaving home

I will admit upfront that I am in a rather mushy mood.  You see, this time next week we will be moving our first-born child into college.  It is an exciting time and a scary time.  She is on the cusp of her future and she is ready to take this step.  She is leaving home and will be moving further and further away from childhood.  In some ways, this is good and right and we are all ready.  But I am her mom.  How can I truly be ready for this?

I keep thinking about when I was pregnant with her.  I was so scared that I would mess her up!  I had never been a mom before.  I had no idea what to expect, and there was so much conflicting information coming at me from all directions.  I was afraid that taking the wrong advice would adversely affect my child!  It took me a long time to relax and realize that though I wasn’t perfect, I was an okay mom.  We plodded through together.  I feel confident now.  I know how to approach things with this child and work through anything that comes up.

In some ways I am feeling like a new mom again.  I don’t know how to parent an adult.  I’m not quite sure what my new role should be in her life.  I know she is in college and still a kid in many ways.  I also know she is legally grown and her own person.  How do I make this transition with her?  I don’t want to handle it wrong and mess up her future.  This is uncharted territory for me, and again there is so much conflicting information coming my way. 

I guess the answer is that we will plod through this together.  We will build our adult relationship one step at a time.  I also guess I will be spending a lot more time in prayer for this child.  Time learning to trust God with her future and safety and maturity.  Learning to let her go.

Let her go.  That seems strange to even say!  Wasn’t she just learning to talk and walk yesterday?  Wasn’t my husband teaching her how to ride her bike yesterday?  Wasn’t she and I exchanging tooth fairy letters yesterday?

I guess that is how life goes.  Quickly.  But she does walk and talk, and even write rather well now.  She can ride a bike and keep her balance.  We exchange texts and talks about all kinds of things.  She is ready!  And she is able.  I am so proud of this kid!  So proud! 

I can let her go because I know she is ready.  I know that she will always need me, even if it’s not in the same ways.  I know that she will love college and will grow because of this experience.  I know that we will find our way.

But I am still going to cry my way through the next week at least!